Through Clouded Glass

Sometimes, I look back over the past few years of my life and get overwhelmed. Our timeline goes something like this:

October of 2013: Got married

December of 2013: Found out we were expecting

January of 2014: Began graduate school while still working full time (and super sick with my pregnancy)

August of 2014: Welcomed home sweet Jackson

May of 2015: Put our house on the market

September of 2015: Sold our house, found out we were expecting baby number 2, and moved in with my in-laws

December of 2015: Graduated from grad school

April of 2016: Began building our house

May of 2016: Brought home Lincoln

The entire summer of 2017: Worked on the new house, packed things up, applied/interviewed for new jobs, and dealt with a colicky and difficult new baby while adjusting our toddler to being a big brother

August of 2016: Started a new job upon return from maternity leave, celebrated Jackson turning two, and FINALLY moved into our new house

June of 2017: ended breastfeeding with Lincoln

I love this photo. We all look so happy. But in reality, at this stage Lincoln was incredibly colicky, I was waking up with kids 4-5 times per night, and I was struggling to keep the show going every single day.

That may seem like a bit of a novel, but the moral of the details above is that, from December of 2013, my body has not been my own. Once becoming pregnant, everything you do and every decision you make surrounds what is best for the baby. That mindset continues afterwards for those of us who breastfeed, because our diets, schedules, abilities to consume alcohol..they all revolve around when baby needs to eat and how those decisions affect their bodies.

I weaned Jackson on his first birthday, and found out I was pregnant with Lincoln exactly one month later. So, my body had roughly a three week window where I wasn't nourishing a child in some respect. I literally have not had my body to myself in three and a half years. And that, my friends, is a long time.

I really have never thought too much about this or the effect it may be taking on me. I loved breastfeeding both of my babies. It was a special bond, a time to escape from the crazy and be alone with them. Dare I say, once we got the hang of it, it even became a relaxing experience, one where I was able to tell Mike I was going in another room to feed Lincoln and I would soak in the peace and quiet for twenty minutes. I have felt blessed and lucky with my pregnancies and post baby experiences, and never thought much more than that.

And then it happened. I quit nursing Lincoln. I could tell I had some hormonal changes happen when my body stopped producing milk, almost immediately. My skin got worse (that pregnancy glow and its after effects is real!) I put on a few pounds, because my body wasn't burning hundreds a day for feeding, which is one of the harder things to deal with. But, more than anything, I felt like a fog lifted and I could see clearly.

I never once considered if I ever dealt with postpartum depression, because I never really felt depressed. And I don't know, even now, if I would say that I did. But, almost instantaneously with ending my breastfeeding journey, I felt more alert, more playful, more appreciative of the smallest things, like a sunny day or a sentimental song. I have more energy, and don't feel like I need to go to bed at 8pm to function. I feel a spark with my husband, who *deep breaths*, I have always loved with my whole heart, but over the past year in particular, has been placed on the backburner more than he deserves as I try to just keep my head above water. I am not a perfect wife, and it can be hard to acknowledge that, while it was easy to blame tough days on my husband, I often wasn't doing my part in ensuring he was being cared for as he rightfully deserved. It is a hard thing, to make an effort to make another person feel happy and special, when you yourself are struggling to find your own happiness and balance. Most days, this past year in particular, I would crawl in bed craving solitude, wanting to drift to sleep as fast as possible after being touched and tested by my children all day long. I have experienced plenty of happiness, don't get me wrong, but it was easy to get overwhelmed in our daily lives and let those feelings control me and keep me from finding joy in the little things.

Those feelings have changed so much since quitting breastfeeding that they almost feel drastic. I find myself thinking about my husband and smiling over something he said or how he looked so handsome playing with our children. Heck, I even feel flirtatious and like I did when we were dating, cracking jokes (poorly, I might add) and playing silly games at home. I finally feel like there is enough of me left to take care of myself, and my relationship with Mike, too.

Mostly throwing this one in because I don't know if I will ever love a photo of the two of us more than this one.



I suppose all of this is to say that, if you feel like you are in a fog with small children, that you are just going through the motions, know that you are not the only one. I was seeing my life through clouded glass for the past year, but in the moment I didn't realize it. I feel more alive with a zest for life that I was unaware was missing. For the first time in a long time, I am feeling like me. I still get sad. I still get annoyed and frustrated. But at the end of the day, I feel so much more capable of getting past those emotions and not letting them consume me. I would take the same path with my children that I did a million times over, but it feels good to recognize that how I was feeling was not long term, and to put some sort of an explanation to those days where I felt like a zombie just moving forward on autopilot. Even if on the exterior it looks like a person has it all together, we all have our own internal battles that we are fighting. And it feels so good to know I have come out on the other side of this one, now matter how small it may have been.

Mothers, remember to always take care of yourself, and to know that you should experience happiness, sadness, and even anger, to their fullest extent. Because that is what really living is. Love your babies, love their fathers, and love yourself. And know that you deserve the world.

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Friday Favorites

Happy Friday, friends! Has anyone else just felt off this week? I wonder if we still haven't fully recovered from our long Memorial Weekend. Jackson got super sick last weekend and I had to work from home Monday, so I am sure that is part of it, too. It has definitely been a week where I constantly have had to remind myself what day it actually is!
This week is supposed to be a scorcher, because in Minnesota 95 degrees and humid is a big deal, and basically all the radio talks about ;-) So despite the sunshine, I am anticipating a good amount of time spent inside, and perhaps a little bit of pool time for the boys! And an adult beverage. What is it about a hot summer day that makes an ice cold beer sound SO good? Before cracking one open though, onto some Friday favorites!

1. These Shorts

I have talked quite a bit about these tomgirl shorts from American Eagle, and I really do love them. However, for the sake of honesty I will disclose that there is a hole in the backside. It is intentionally placed, and probably just fine if you are under the age of 25..but alas, I am not. In fact, I had worn them quite a bit before someone else pointed it out to me, so it really isn't that obvious! I still highly recommend, but had to put it out there!
So, this past week I decided to pull the trigger on an additional pair, and I had never tried the boy midi before. But oh my gosh, these shorts are absolute perfection! I am a light wash girl, always have been and always will be. The distressing is plenty but doesn't have me worrying I am going to rip them whenever I put them on, and they are so stretchy and forgiving. I have had the midi style before, and I would say these are just a bit more relaxed in fit and feel worn in the second you put them on. I will be living in these the rest of the summer!

2. Comfy Dresses

Some days I cannot bear to wear anything but a dress, especially on those hot and humid summer days. I swear some dresses are as comfortable as pajamas! My new favorite dress is from Modest Modern Mama. She is the absolute sweetest shop owner, and all of her stuff is so nice.

3. Simplified Planner

Has anyone else tried and failed at getting onto the planner bus? I think my biggest problem has always been buying based on price, or convenience, versus what is truly practical and will allow me to map out my week in detail. I finally took the plunge and have the Emily Ley Simplified Planner, and am obsessed! It breaks out each individual day by time, as well as providing a section for your to-do list. And, on Sundays it helps provide tips and tricks to organizing and planning your week in advance. This is something I definitely plan on doing, to make our weeks go more smoothly and feel more organized!

4. The Perfect Lip Butter

Okay, so this stuff honestly got shoved to the bottom of my purse and I forgot about it for the longest time. But alas, I recently switched purses, found all of my lost treasures, and this is one of them! This lip butter colors like a lipstick, but feels more like a gloss. It is great if you are wanting to add in some color but don't want something very bold. The packaging as it was when I bought it seems to be in the process of phasing out, but Revlon has lots of lip butters and I highly recommend them. I have been living in this pink color lately!

5. Snuggly Babies

I love my babies and I love pajamas, so when my babies are wearing pajamas, I just about can't handle it. Of course, if you have been around here for awhile you already know this ;-) I could just squish them up!!

 

I hope you all have a fabulous weekend, and have access to a pool, lake, or ocean! Summer is officially here!

Five on Friday // Friday Favorites // Friday Favorites // High Five For Friday

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DIY Wild One Crown

After sharing all of the details from Lincolns' Wild One first birthday party a few weeks ago, I thought it would be fun to dive into some of the DIY projects that I did to put it all together. One of my favorite pieces that I created myself was this Where The Wild Things Are crown. Don't get me wrong; I love supporting small shops and purchasing these items, but when we are looking at one-use items, I really tend to get creative in figuring out how I can do it myself. Surprisingly, this hat was incredibly easy to make, and require nothing more than glue and scissors (and okay, maybe a couple of paper clips).

Supplies Needed:

Tow pieces of the largest yellow/gold felt you can find (the more rigid, the better)

One small piece of brown felt

One piece of gold glitter felt

Fur trim (I found mine in the same aisle as the felt)

Felt glue

Elastic string

Scissors

How To:

1. Lay down a piece of your yellow felt. Trace out the peaks of your crown. I used a ruler to equally space them so they were all the same size.

2. Cut out the peaks of your felt. You can paper clip the sheets together and cut them at once if you would like. You want both large sheets to be the same size.

  

3. Spread felt glue over one side of a piece of yellow felt.

4. Lay down other felt piece and lightly press them together.

*note: the felt glue will not fully take hold until it has dried. It may seem like it is not going to stick, but it will!

5. Wrap your felt into a circle and apply felt glue where you want it to overlap and be held together.

6. Once you have your crown lined up, use paper clips (yes, paper clips!) to hold it all together. There are great for keeping things in place but not leaving any dents or marks! Any place that seems to be having a hard time staying together, clip it!

7. You will want to let the crown set with the glue for an hour or so. While you wait, trace a '1' onto the brown felt. I did this by freehand, but you could always trace an image if you would like.

8. Cut out the '1', and then cut a smaller '1' on the glitter felt, and then use felt glue to lay the smaller piece onto the larger.

9. Once your '1' has set, use felt glue to glue this onto the crown. I used paper clips once again to hold it while the glue set!

10. While your crown is drying, measure out the fur trim. The piece I bought worked perfect to wrap around the bottom edge so that it came up on both sides.

11. Once your fur is the appropriate length, wrap around the bottom and use felt glue to hold. Paper clip this as well! Allow finished crown to dry for at least a few hours.

Once your crown is complete, you will want some sort of string to secure to the crown so it stays on your little one! I bought the thinnest elastic cord I could find. To be honest, I should have gone a bit thicker; my string had a hard time holding the hat because it was too lightweight. I used a thick domed needle to thread my string onto the hat. You can also use a hole punch to make holes in the felt for your string, whichever method you prefer!

And there you have it! I love how this crown turned out, and it is a keepsake for him now, too. I moved it to his room and have it displayed on his dresser, and smile whenever I look at it. It was the perfect crown for our little Wild One!

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The Perfect Summer Outfit

I don't know if there is a single thing I can think of that screams summer more than a casual tee and some cutoff shorts. I seriously live for denim shorts, and the more distressing and fun detailing, the better! And, while I tend to stick to basics for my tees, I am absolutely in love with the cross front trend happening lately. It is such a great way to keep a look simple, while adding in the perfect touch of flair!

 

Top c/o // Shorts // Sunglasses c/o

I am in love with the pretty mauve color of this top, and the double cross detailing. It is so soft, flowy, and comfortable, perfect for errands and a casual afternoon, but cute enough that it can totally be dressed up into more than just a basic 'tee'.

 

What are some of your go-to closet staples during the summer months? I am still in disbelief that it is already June and summer is officially in full swing!

Linking up with Lindsay and Karen today!

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What's Up Wednesday

Is it just me, or is this just the most confusing, out of sorts week ever? I love me a long weekend, but our Monday off felt so much like a Sunday, and I cannot believe it is already Wednesday. Adding to that, even though the weather the past few days has said otherwise, since Memorial Day has come and gone I have been thinking it is June this week, when today is in fact the last day of May. So, with the last Wednesday of the month comes a recap and 'What's Up Wednesday!'

What We're eating

Now that summer is here, I am officially trying to kick our family eating habits into a healthier gear. So, lots of grilled chicken and burgers, steamed veggies, and my all time favorite roasted brussel sprouts. It is also officially watermelon season, so I plan to have that stocked in the refrigerator nonstop.

And, let's be real..pizza. Pizza always has a place in our dietary rotation ;-)

What I'm reminiscing about

I really haven't been reminiscing too much lately. Lincoln's birthday has come and gone, and we are more so looking forward to all of the things we get to do this summer with our boys!

What I'm loving..

I am loving the new trees in our yard! We just got a willow tree for back by the pond, and a vanilla strawberry hydrangea tree for our front yard! We seriously did ZERO yard work before moving last summer, so it is so much fun to finally start feeling like we have a yard!

What we've been up to

This summer we spent with my in-laws playing yard games, eating outside, and getting our first real taste of summer for the year. Aside from that, a lot of time has been spent in the yard, going for runs outside with Lincoln in tow, and we have graduated from Toy Story and are being forced to watch Despicable Me on the daily ;-)

What I'm dreading

Not much-I mean it is finally summer! However, with summer comes ticks and mosquitoes..definitely dreading seeing those around.

What I'm working on

I am still slowly but surely working on decorating our house. I just got some new things for our mantle to put a 'summer theme' to it.

I am also doing a lot of work with my Instagram lately (come check me out @stangandco) that I am having a lot of fun with. I have learned SO much about social media strategy in the last 1-2 months, and am really seeing a difference and some fun opportunities arising as a result!

What I'm excited about

I am excited for it to be warm enough this weekend to hopefully pull out the pool for the boys and spend as much time in the sunshine as possible! I also have my future sister-in-law's bachelorette party in two weeks, and their wedding next month. So much coming up on our calendars!!

What I'm watching/reading

Confession: I picked up a book months ago, and only got a few chapters in. I am just not in a stage of life where reading is something I can do! Whenever I try, I end up dozing off..woops!

We have been watching Prison Break, there are only a few episodes left and I can't wait to see how this season ends! I am trying to watch The Bachelorette, but honestly after Nick last season, I think he did some damage to that show. Is it just me, or do people seem pretty darn uninterested? Swapping out Luke for Nick was a HUGE mistake!

We also just started watching Bloodline on Netflix. We are only two episodes in, but so far I am REALLY liking it!

What I'm listening to

I started busting out a bunch of my old burnt CD's in my car the past few weeks, and am loving them! A lot of them are labeled by season and year, and they seriously just take me back to that time. One of them has a bunch of songs that bring me back to the summer I met Mike, which to this day I think would go down as my best summer ever, and not just because I met my future husband! It was filled with time in the sun, lots of bonfires, parties, and time with great friends. I love how music can take you back to a time and a memory!

What I'm wearing

 Tank // Jeans // Glass (similar)

 Dress

 Tunic // Jeans

Top // Skirt

Tee (very similar here) // Shorts // Sandals

 

What I'm doing this weekend

We don't really have anything on the books! I believe we have plans to order a truckload of black dirt to start working on the lawn. Exciting stuff, let me tell you ;-)

What I'm looking forward to next month

I am excited for my sister-in-law's bachelorette party and her bridal showers! I just love those types of events :-) And, I cannot wait to spend as much time as possible outdoors with my little guys!

What else is new?

Lincoln is on the move! He is still plenty wobbly, but is most definitely walking and taking steps and it is about the most precious thing I have ever seen :-)

I am so excited for the coming month, bring on the summer!

Linking up with Mel, Shay, and Shaeffer today!

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Memorial Weekend

Prepare yourself for a Memorial Day recap with just about zero red, white, and blue in it ;-) We had a low-key weekend around the house, but it was perfect and so nice to have some extra time together as a family.

On Friday, I worked from home as there was pretty much no one in the office (which kind of defeats the purpose of driving into the office). I don't know if I would like doing it every day, but man it was nice to drop the boys off at daycare without having to get ready and dressed! In fact, I even had time before starting work to squeeze in a run, and it was amazing! I have missed running so much, but now that the weather finally allows me to get outside, I am going to try doing it as much as possible!

Once I wrapped up working for the day, Mike and I ran with my mother in law to a local nursery. Our Christmas gift before we even had our new house was to pick out some new trees once we had our new yard. Mike has been talking about a willow tree overlooking the pond since we bought our land, so while we looked at all of the options, when it was time to make a decision I told him, the willow tree has been your dream, and we are doing the willow tree! And so now we have a teeny willow tree in our backyard and it makes my heart so darn happy! We also looked at some of the blooming trees, and I saw the vanilla strawberry hydrangea tree (yes, that is a real thing!) and had to have it! We put it in our front yard so you can see it out of all of our windows, and when it blooms in late July it turns white, pink, and red. Our yard feels so much more like a yard now!

Once we picked up the boys, my nephew came to spend the night. We had pizza, watched cartoons, and had a lazy night.

Lately, Jackson's first request on mornings at home is 'Mickey Pancakes'. Daddy usually is the master of breakfast in our house, but I love that this is his request that he makes with mommy :-)

The boys did a ton of yard work on Saturday, and while they worked, I ran to Target and Hobby Lobby with Lincoln. I needed to stock up on florals for my mantle to get going with a summer theme!

Of course, what is a Saturday morning errand run without coffee ;-)

 Precious Lincoln was just wiped out after our morning, and I about died laughing over how he fell asleep in his carseat. There is tired, and then there is this. Sweet boy was definitely ready for a nap!

 We stuck around the house the rest of the day. It was one of those long, lazy Saturdays and I honestly cannot even remember what we had for dinner! We capped off the night with Jackson watching Wallykazam from up on the stairs. This has become his new little hiding spot to watch us from up above, and it is so darn cute!

 The boys got the cutest new rash guards from Swim Zip this weekend! Lincoln is very fair, so we know we are going to really have to watch him in the sun, so I love how protected he is in this! I mean, look at him, I could just eat him up!

We spent all day Sunday over at my in-laws house doing a Memorial Day get together (a day early). Jackson literally ran and played outside all day long, with his minions in tow, of course ;-) We had burgers and brats for lunch, and my brother-in-law made a brisket for dinner. Watermelon, strawberry rhubarb crisp, and yard games rounded out our evening. It was the perfect day to kickstart summer! 

 We both had Monday off for Memorial Day, and it was the laziest day we have had in ages. We all stayed in our pajamas, both boys took two naps, and we started watching Bloodlines on Netflix.

During Lincoln's afternoon nap, I did venture off to the grocery store and brought Jackson with me. He looks so darn big in the cart! But I love little dates where I get one on one time with my boys, even if it is just running errands.

I hope everyone had a fantastic Memorial Weekend, and thank you to all of those who made the ultimate sacrifice for this great nation we are lucky enough to call home.

Linking up with Biana today!

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Friday Favorites: Memorial Weekend

Oh my goodness, you guys! Happy Friday! It is Memorial Weekend, and that means it is officially the kickoff of summer! Of course between work and daycare, our day to day really doesn't change much. But, there is something so magical about those long days of sunlight, evenings spent grilling, and playing outside until bedtime. This will be our first summer with two kiddos who are big enough to really spend a good amount of time outside, and I simply cannot wait! Before we enjoy a long weekend, hopefully including a bonfire and smores, I am coming at you with this week's favorites!

1. A Walker!

Without a doubt, my absolute favorite thing this week was Lincoln taking his first real steps! He has been taking 1-2 steps from the couch to the ottoman, but for the first time on Tuesday, he came at me and took a solid 6 or so steps into my arms! I was so excited, and as a result he was so happy and precious and sweet. Since then, he has been getting more and more brave taking steps more frequently. I am so excited to watch him; I don't know if there is anything in this world more precious than a brand new walker.

2. Great Sales

If you didn't already know, holiday weekends are always the best sales, and Nordstrom is having their half yearly sale right now! Read my post for a round up of my favorites, with the number one being this rhinestone ring! And, over at Urban Outfitters my absolute favorite deep v tees are on sale right now, which doesn't happen very often. If you are in the market for the perfect long, soft tee, this is it! I usually wouldn't advocate for a t-shirt over $20, but I have searched and searched, and this one cannot be beat.

3. DIY Garland

Earlier this year, I shared how I made my DIY Felt Garland for our mantel. Well, at the time, I made a Valentine's garland, a solid white garland, and a red, white, and blue garland. Now that Memorial Weekend is here, I fully intend to leave this strung up throughout the summer. Now I just need to figure out switching out the florals in our planter box to make it a bit more festive and appropriate for the season!

A few inspiration ideas for how to fill that planter box!

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4. Banana Boat Chicken

One of our favorite recipes in Minneapolis is Chino Latino, and their banana boat chicken is seriously amazing. We were able to find a very close recipe online, and while we made it once in the past, it was years ago. I tried it out again this week, and you guys, it is so good. It is a little bit more labor intensive, but trust me when I say it is totally worth it. It is so delicious!

5. Lily Jade

I was so excited to receive the most amazing diaper bag this past week! Lily Jade diaper bags are gorgeous on the outside, but come with a removable insert full of pockets perfect for organizing all of your baby items. I have the Madeline in Brandy Jade, and am obsessed. I have, without shame, been using it as my purse, and don't intend on stopping. That is the beauty of these bags-they are so versatile and so pretty!

I hope you all have a wonderful long weekend. I will see you all back here next Tuesday!

Five on Friday // Friday Favorites // Friday Favorites // High Five For Friday
Be sure to swing by the High 5 For Friday linkup today, I am the featured blogger! :-)

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