The Gradual Move.

Newlywed magic, 4 years in love,

Just over a year ago, Mike and I got married. To be honest, not much changed. We were both blissfully happy on our wedding day, relaxed and in love on our honeymoon, and got a kick out of referring to each other as husband and wife. Our day to day really did not change much, though. For the sake of honesty: I unofficially ‘moved in’ with Mike on a ridiculously gradual basis at an unidentifiable time our relationship. It really was never an official ‘move’, as I started off coming home from school in Minneapolis on the weekends, and I missed the guy so much that I would spend Friday nights at his place.
I don’t know if I could even call it ‘sleeping over’, because we had so many heartfelt, in depth conversations in our early relationship, it usually entailed staying up until 3 or 4am talking, and Mr. Bright and Early was up and at em two hours later around 6am. So let’s just say that I ‘napped over’.

As our relationship progressed and we got more serious, Friday night turned into Friday and Saturday night. I mean, I didn’t get to see the guy all week, and spent much of the weekend days with my family and friends. I had to maximize time spent on those weekends home. And, while I of course still love my husband, let me tell you something; those first few months, I was absolutely enamored with him. I could feel people beginning to roll their eyes at me when I talked about him, because he was all that I thought about. I knew a few weeks in that he was the one, for real. So, of course the next step in the progression was to occasionally stay Sunday night and leave early Monday morning to return to work and school, because why go be lonely in my apartment when I could watch TV and cuddle with my favorite person.

Nine months into our relationship, things really changed when I transferred schools. All of the sudden, I was home, all of the time. And to this day it was the best decision I ever made. My happiness level increased ten-fold. I am just not meant to be far away from my family, I don’t do it well. Mike was on a job in Duluth at that time, which meant being out of town from EARLY Monday morning until lateThursday night. Obviously, when that boy got home on Thursday after a long week of work I HAD to go over. I mean, I missed him! And even though I was home, I spent half of the week being unable to see him. The more I grew to love him and the relationship that we had, the more I loved spending lazy evenings with him on the couch, just being content.

Fast forward a year. Mike finally wrapped up the job in Duluth, and a summer gig in St. James. For the first time in our relationship, we were both in the same town, at the same time, all of the time. It felt surreal to be able to see him any day that I wanted. As much as I tried to stick to weekends at his house, it just seemed silly to get in my car late at night every night to drive home. So 3 nights a week turned into 4, turned into 5, turned into every night. Around 2 to 2.5 years into our relationship, I was at Mike’s full time. However, was I truly ‘living there’ if half of my clothes and belongings were still at home?

That was a whole other process, the moving of the things. I never packed my bags to ‘move in’. I would bring clothes for the next day, but then leave the clothes I had worn the day before. I would take off my jewelry, until eventually it was all sitting there on the nightstand. I would pack up my laptop to do homework, until eventually it just stayed put in Mike’s living room. When I would online shop, it started to make more sense to ship things to Mike’s house, so I would, and as a result any future mailings I received from said stores went there, too. The process was so incredibly gradual, I honestly cannot pinpoint the exact day, month, or even season that I started really ‘living’ there. How’s that for a good memory?

Every relationship is different, everyone has their own beliefs, and everyone has their own situation. Moving home landed me back with my parents (who, let me be clear, I love dearly), which meant I had no lease to terminate, no apartment to pack up, and a house full of two parents, three siblings, and a dog that felt crowded that I didn’t mind escaping from to the quiet of a house with no one else but my love. For me, this was how Mike and I were meant to ease into a life together. So, by the time our wedding rolled around, I didn’t have to pack a bunch of boxes, say goodbye to a personal space, or adjust to Mike’s irritating habits (trust me, I have plenty of those, myself, but neither of us scared the other away, which is impressive). We enjoyed our first months of married life watching or favorite shows, eating our tried and true meals we both agreed upon, and planning on when to bring a baby into the mix (answer: 9.5 months later). While we may not have experienced the newlywed period of figuring out how to function as a team and playing house, we did get to enjoy the quiet after the wedding knowing that we had worked out the majority of our quirks. Did you know that adjusting to having another person in bed is quite the undertaking? It took MONTHS before I could sleep soundly and not be awoken by every obnoxious snore. In fact, this still wakes me up at night half of the time, which is why they invented the couch…

The gradual move in may not make sense or work for everyone, but for us, it taught us to work together as a team and function as a family, gradually. And now, we have thrown a baby into a mix, and are relearning how to manage the day to day with a miniature person in our midst, but more on that another day!

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